Sep 30, 2009

When it rains..... it poors.

Cancer cancer go away, come again another day... ok no day!

I just found out Clint's cousin has cancer. She's is seriously the most amazing person.
My heart goes out to her and to her family.
Hold your families closer tonight, appreciate them.
It seems everyone and I mean everyone is having a major health scare right now.
Signs of the times. I guess the saying
"only the strong will survive"
keeps popping in my head. Maybe because it's true.
I feel guilty because a few weeks ago when I was feeling really down from everything,
I said to Clint...
"I think i'd rather have cancer, because then I could FIGHT,
i'm a fighter and I know I'd fight with everything I had,
but with this i'm told ... do nothing, lay down, don't hold your babies,
maybe you'll make it, maybe you won't."
I feel as though my right of choice has been taken away.
I can't chose to fight, I can't chose to do anything, just lay here and hurt.
Then I had an "ah ha" moment, Maybe what is required of me is
to not fight physically, but to fight spiritually.
And my spirit lifted so much. I knew I could do that.
I know I will fight with everything spiritually. So I am.
I'm trying to learn and to grow like a dried up sponge.
And now i'm feeling guilty for wishing that my grass was someone else's grass
and that there grass was mine. But I do not wish to have cancer and
i'm heart broken for anyone who does. My battle will end in 15 days. I will be fixed and have jumped that hurdle. I do have others coming and other test that are being run and other diagnosis that will be figured out after the surgery. But I know that this one was the scary and hard one and no matter what comes after that. With cancer, it's a lifetime battle. A battle for the entire family. One i'm not sure I could handle.
But with my battle and any after that
I will be ready,
I will fight and
I will survive.

my cousins blog to hear her cancer story is

1 comment:

Jodi said...

You fight and we will all fight with you! Heavenly Father knows the sincere desires of your heart and your family will be blessed.