May 25, 2009


Why do I do what I do?

I've received a lot of emails lately asking me all kinds of questions...
some I try not feel as though they were intended to make me feel bad....
others I know they might make someone else feel bad....
I would never want anyone to come to this blog and feel they aren't
a good mother, or wife, or friend....
because they aren't doing what i'm doing.
I promise all of you that even though I don't publicly share
all of my moments of doubt, sadness, inferiority, anger, disappointments and frustrations...
that they are there.
All of us are good at things...
i'm terrible at the majority of everything...
the only thing I can do really is cook, clean and make things...
no singing, no music talent, no reading literature, no sports, no writing, no languages,
no patience, no degrees, no lots of other things...

So don't think just because I blog about things that make me happy..
moments I want to remember forever....
that underneath this fun blog...
there's not a frazzled, disorganized, messy, screaming, crying, over exhausted mom
on the other end...
Cause trust me,
She is.

Questions i've been asked

How do I get it done?
in the middle of the night, I don't sleep
Is my house always clean?
No way, it used to be with only one kid, then with two it was mostly clean and now with three it's clean when people come over...
How do I find the time to work on projects or parties?
I don't sleep, I spend half the day doing really fun things with the kids to wear them out then they watch movies and nap the rest of the day while I work on my projects.
Do I spend all my spare time doing projects?
When i'm not doing fun things with the kids or trying to survive my kids, yes. I don't like to sit and read books, I don't like to sit and watch t.v. so I do projects or plan things or clean.
Trust me, this can be a bad thing. Sometimes it drives Clint cRaZy.
Do I make dinner every night?
NO way, I try to make something really yummy and nice 2 times a week, then something easy and light 3 nights a week, then something like pizza or frozen goods the other 2 nights.
Do I think I can do it all, or feel pressured to do it all?
I'm not one to act a certain way just for someone else,
I am who I am and I just can't help it. I don't do things to impress people or make them jealous or make them feel bad. I don't do things for any other reason other then because I like to.
Making things, planning things and creating things is my hobby.
My brain is constantly thinking of things to make and I feel like I can hardly keep up with it.
I have files and files of things i'd like to do but I just don't have the time or money.
The only thing I feel pressured to do is to be a better mom. I constantly feel, every single day that my kids and my husband are a gracious gift from my Heavenly Father.
I'll NEVER take them for granted.
Because once,
I really thought I would never have this.
I would never be married to someone like Clint.
Have a family
Have a purpose
Have a life.

Things you might not know:
*my clean laundry is in a HUGE pile in my room and has been for weeks
*i haven't done any ironing in months
*i have stretch marks all over some areas
*i hate filing and always have piles around my desk
*i'd rather eat cake then dinner
*i get my feelings hurt easily
*i need to feel loved by those close to me or I feel like my whole life falls apart
*i love to watch movies that make you cry, crying feels good
*i still can't fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes
*i can't run
*i sometimes pee my pants when I laugh
*i only wash my hair every 3-4 days
*i hate olives
*my van is a disgusting embarrassment
*i've moved 28 times in my life and i'm sick of moving
*i feel the deepest, hard to explain, love and appreciation for the wonderful people in my life
*i like to talk to strangers, i like learning about how they think, what in their life was a "ah ha" moment, do they "get" life and how-why
*i would love to adopt someday
*i want to serve a mission
*i want to learn learn learn
*i want to love
*i want to overcome
*i want to live


The Fullers! said...

In other words... you are human!!! ;) You do a great job. Sometimes I wish I could stay home with the girls. They grow up so... fast.

Alana said...

Good for you for posting this. It's always easy to talk about the happy things, post the best pictures and blog on the great weekend but for someone to express the things that make up who they are (good, bad, and ugly), that takes honesty and courage and I admire that. It's also nice to know you too have a mountain of laundry. :o)

Sheri Packard said...

I think we all feel like this sometimes. We look at everyone else and see what they put out there and think they don't have these feelings or shortcomings. I like hearing that other people have them, too, it makes me feel a little more normal! Thanks for sharing!

Phipps Family said...

I think your amazing! I too dont sleep and get a lot done in that time!

Anonymous said...

It's nice to hear your normal, although it's silly to think your not just because your blog features "happy moments" who wants to fill their blogs up with bad things..? I love reading yours, it takes me away from my life sometimes and let's me wonder what life would be like if I were talented or even cared to be, smile, one of your readers.

Erin said...

I loved this post! Thanks for the insight. You are awesome!

Anonymous said...

Hi there. You don't know me but I am a mother of three young boys in Canada and happened upon your blog recently. Being a mom of three young boys myself, of very similar ages to yours (6, 3 & 10 months), I was trying to find some inspiration from another boy mom...and may I say what an inspiration I found in you! Your family is absolutely beautiful and I feel that even though we don't know each other, we are kindred spirits. I have to admit that in other people's eyes I sometimes look like an overachiever and people often ask me the same questions as you. Your words in this blog sound like they were coming from my own heart. Thank you for sharing and I hope you don't mind me tuning in to see what your beautiful family is up to once in a while. Priscilla from Ontario, Canada

Anonymous said...

Thank you for being so honest and sharing these thoughts. I'm also a mom of three boys (the same age as yours) in Canada and I find your blog inspirational in my own life. Just keep doing what you love and enjoying life and those adorable little boys.

CDHowey said...

Mariane... I love you. I am so sad you don't live near Mesa. I have always thought you were amazing. You have such a great attitude and you are such a light to so many people. Tonight It was me. Thanks for being my friend. It has been way to long. I would love a chat. I miss you.